Does a Lack of Confidence Hold Your Business Back?

As a little girl I was painfully shy.  My lack of confidence kept me from joining in the games my friends were playing - I was so worried I wouldn't be able to do whatever it was or, even worse, do it wrong and be laughed at.  An only child, I learned to amuse myself with mainly solitary pursuits and reading still is my favourite pastime.  But I sometimes think of those those lost opportunities to have fun - because I lacked confidence.

It wasn't until many years later that I found out people often aren't as confident as they appear to be, and since becoming a coach, I've learned several very effective ways to gain confidence, one of them is to model someone who appears confident in whatever it is you want to do.

Unsurprisingly, I used to be terrified of speaking to groups of people.  My mouth would dry up, hands would shake so much I couldn't read the words on the pages I was holding, it would feel as if my knees were knocking together and my mind would go completely blank - not very promising at all.  Through most of my corporate career I managed to avoided giving many presentations but once I worked for myself, I knew giving talks was an important part of marketing.  The first part of my solution was to start a small networking group as I knew I would have to stand up and speak every week.  This helped to calm some of the nerves, and then I received an invitation to speak to around 60 business owners!!  With pounding heart, I accepted and started preparing for the big day.

I've always admired Winston Churchill and JF Kennedy for their powerful speeches, so I read their biographies, listened to audio recordings and watched snippets of old film.  I discovered they both used to rehearse their speeches many times before the 'real thing', so I did that for my little talk as well.  Knowing I was modelling people who had been so great at doing what I wanted to do, was a very powerful boost to my confidence.

On the day of the talk I was very nervous but knew I was as prepared as I could be.  Everything went well and that gave me confidence for the next time ....

While my 'speeches' are unlikely to ever be recorded in the history books, because I modelled people who were really successful at public speaking, I'm pleased to report that at least my hands have stopped shaking and I only feel a little bit nervous before giving talks now.

Do you get very nervous at the thought of 'public speaking'? Please let me know in the comments.  If you found this post helpful, do share it with others by retweeting.  Thank you :)

Comments

[LouiseBJ]

Thanks for commenting Paul:) Yes, that 1984 NY Times survey has a lot to answer for! Thanks for the 'Theatre of your Mind' reference too. Another great technique I successfully use with my coaching clients (and of course on myself!).

[Paul Simister]

Everything time I think about public speaking I remember the line "And Death Came Third" which is the result in a survey of what people are scared about.

As well as practicing so that you are confident that you know the material, I'd also suggest retreating to the Theatre of your Mind.

This is a concept from Dr Maxwell Maltz to encourage you to see yourself delivering a great presentation and having the people come up to you afterwards, congratulate you on what a great job you'd done.

I also think public speaking is one of those skills which suffers from too much negative self talk. the number of times I've heard people say "I hate speaking to a group" or "I'm not very good at speaking in public"n and it reinforces that message in the brain.