Simply Business Coaching

Does a Lack of Confidence Hold Your Business Back?

As a little girl I was painfully shy.  My lack of confidence kept me from joining in the games my friends were playing - I was so worried I wouldn't be able to do whatever it was or, even worse, do it wrong and be laughed at.  An only child, I learned to amuse myself with mainly solitary pursuits and reading still is my favourite pastime.  But I sometimes think of those those lost opportunities to have fun - because I lacked confidence.

It wasn't until many years later that I found out people often aren't as confident as they appear to be, and since becoming a coach, I've learned several very effective ways to gain confidence, one of them is to model someone who appears confident in whatever it is you want to do.

Unsurprisingly, I used to be terrified of speaking to groups of people.  My mouth would dry up, hands would shake so much I couldn't read the words on the pages I was holding, it would feel as if my knees were knocking together and my mind would go completely blank - not very promising at all.  Through most of my corporate career I managed to avoided giving many presentations but once I worked for myself, I knew giving talks was an important part of marketing.  The first part of my solution was to start a small networking group as I knew I would have to stand up and speak every week.  This helped to calm some of the nerves, and then I received an invitation to speak to around 60 business owners!!  With pounding heart, I accepted and started preparing for the big day.

I've always admired Winston Churchill and JF Kennedy for their powerful speeches, so I read their biographies, listened to audio recordings and watched snippets of old film.  I discovered they both used to rehearse their speeches many times before the 'real thing', so I did that for my little talk as well.  Knowing I was modelling people who had been so great at doing what I wanted to do, was a very powerful boost to my confidence.

On the day of the talk I was very nervous but knew I was as prepared as I could be.  Everything went well and that gave me confidence for the next time ....

While my 'speeches' are unlikely to ever be recorded in the history books, because I modelled people who were really successful at public speaking, I'm pleased to report that at least my hands have stopped shaking and I only feel a little bit nervous before giving talks now.

Do you get very nervous at the thought of 'public speaking'? Please let me know in the comments.  If you found this post helpful, do share it with others by retweeting.  Thank you :)

Confidence is Important for Business too

When I first qualified as a Life Coach, before venturing into the exciting world of Business Coaching, helping people to improve their confidence was a regular part of my work.

You'd think people starting up a business would have plenty of confidence, yet that isn't necessarily the case - here are a few notes from my client files to explain what I mean:

Networking - walking into a room full of fellow business owners can be quite nerve-wracking, and the thought of having to stand up in front of everyone and talk about what you do, can be enough to put more timid souls off the whole idea!

Sales - picking up the phone to make those dreaded cold calls - and even follow-up calls - is another business activity many people keep putting off until another day.

Meetings - are probably less about confidence and more about the need to thoroughly prepare beforehand, and have a clear goal each time.

Presentations - whether delivering a talk to a group of your peers or to just one major potential client, these can be very important business opportunities. Many people avoid them.

Internet - it surprised me to discover some people are reluctant to become visible on the internet by having a website or starting a blog (but I'm resisting the use of video on my own site, so I'm starting to have some sympathy ....)

Although the personalities involved were very different, an instant confidence boost came when I reminded each of them how good they are at what they do and how well they know their stuff.

Building confidence is a vital requirement for business owners, and I think its importance is often forgotten until the need to learn all the varied skills associated with running a business overtakes the initial joy of making a living doing something we love and excel in.

Is there an area of your business where your confidence has been, or still is, a bit shaky?

Do you ever think yourself out of picking up the phone?

The other day I called a prospect who had been referred to me. The call went well and I have an appointment to meet with them soon. However, it took me over a week to pick up the phone. Why?

I made so many excuses to myself, like “It’s too early/too late in the day, he’s probably not in.” “I’ll just make a cup of tea first.” (and then do something else). “It’s Monday/Friday, he’s probably really busy.” The fact is I didn’t have a single valid reason not to call, I could only come up with pathetic excuses – and I know I’m not alone in doing this.

When we feel uncomfortable about picking the phone up (either for cold calling or following up) it could be because we:

• Lack in confidence
• Have already decided that the call isn’t going to go well
• Remember that last time we spoke to that person, it went badly

One technique to use is to visualise the call going well - this will help get you into a more confident frame of mind. Also, think back to past achievements and how good you felt when you succeeded at something difficult. You can do this :)

Just as it’s possible to think yourself out of picking up the phone, now you know you can think yourself into it!  Let me know how you get on.

What if they don’t like me?

I remember coaching a client some years ago when she was just starting her business.  We were working on getting the basics in place, including her new website.  But I noticed that every time there was work to be done on the website, it wouldn’t happen and my client would be full of apologies and excuses in our next call.

When I delved deeper, it turned out she felt very vulnerable knowing so many people would be able to read about her and her business.  I confess I hadn’t thought about it in those terms before – but it’s hardly surprising since a fear of rejection is one of the basic human fears which can stop us in our tracks.

I wonder how many people approach social networking with the same trepidation?

Soon after I started blogging, I received a long angry email from someone who decided one of my posts was a direct criticism of her.  The message ended with me being ‘struck off’ her mailing list.  I have to admit I was mortified to think this person ‘didn’t like me any more’.  Until I saw sense.

It was actually nothing to do with me, it was about the words I used and more importantly, the way this one person chose to interpret them.

One of the whole points of blogs, and Web 2.0 in general, is to be able to share information, thoughts and opinions – and we actively invite comments!  Whatever we write, someone, somewhere won’t agree with our words, just as we won’t agree with everything another person writes.  But it doesn’t mean they don’t like us or that we don’t like them.

By being prepared to be vulnerable we let people get to know us (as little or as much as we choose).  We are taking a small chance, but a necessary one if we’re to build successful business and personal relationships. 

Another case of Self-Sabotage

Would you stop watching an exciting film you hadn’t seen before and say “I don’t want to see how this ends”?

And what would you think of an athlete who pulled up a few yards from the finish line, saying “that’s far enough for me.”?

You’d probably think them rather odd, to say the least.  And yet this sort of behaviour is depressingly familiar amongst the owners of small businesses.

They have a great idea, embark on it with gusto, putting in lots of hours of hard work and then, just as they’re getting close to completion, they ease off or stop working on it altogether.

Look around your business.  Do you have a graveyard of ‘nearly finished’ projects? 

If you do, this could be another manifestation of that dreaded productivity enemy – Perfectionism!  Its other common disguise is when it stops us from starting a task in the first place.  But there’s more to it than that.

So what does cause us to pull up before the finishing line?  What’s really behind this self-sabotaging behaviour?

• It could be that we’re afraid the finished result won’t be good enough and others might not like it. 
• We might be ridiculed and lose face.
• Or in true entrepreneurial spirit, we may be ‘bored’ with it already and eager to get started on the next exciting project.
• We may be fearful that our finished product or service is a runaway success – and that success will somehow change the way people we care about think of us.
• And, if it is a success, are we setting ourselves up to have to do even better next time?

With all these destructive possibilities chattering away in our minds, it’s no wonder we’re sometimes fearful of crossing the finish line!

But that’s what successful people do – like the famous book title – they ‘Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway’!  They take the risk that people might not like it or that they might be a total flop.  For them, success will change things for the better and spur them on to greater achievements. 

Successful people don’t quit before the end.

Stop Comparing Yourself!

Have you ever been at a networking event, chatting to a business contact and listened, with a smile fixed on your face and a sinking feeling in your stomach, as they told you about all the new clients they’ve taken on?  While of course you’re pleased for them, at the back of your mind have you wondered why you aren’t having the same success?

It’s a perfectly natural reaction to compare your situation with theirs – but it can also be very damaging to your self-esteem.  It can pull you off track from your marketing efforts as you scramble to find ways of increasing business in a hurry.

If you have a carefully worked out marketing plan, then you know the results you can expect over the next few months.  To change your plans suddenly, without a valid reason, will endanger those results and leave your marketing activities in disarray.  They are not you and their business is not yours.

It could be that their recent influx of new clients is the culmination of months of marketing effort (which you don’t even know about).  It’s a bit like comparing fuel consumption when they drive a Ford Ka and you’re in a Range Rover!

By all means find out what marketing methods are working well for your contact, but don’t compare their results to yours unless you are comparing like for like.

What do you say?

When you talk to yourself, what do you say?  It was a tremendous relief to me to find out that everyone has a little internal voice too!  We all give ourselves feedback, perhaps after a presentation or important phone call. 

The problem is that we give ourselves too much criticism; apparently we give ourselves 15 times more negative messages than positive ones!  We say things like “You made a real mess of that!” or “You’ll never get the orders you need if you don’t shape up”.

And these negative messages can pop up before you’re due to visit or call a potential client too and damage your confidence.  Before you know it, you put in a poor performance and prove that your negative ‘voice’ was right!

Fortunately the opposite is also true.  Whenever you catch yourself saying something negative, stop and change the message to be more positive.  You could say “That wasn’t like me at all.  What do I need to change?”, “Next time, I’ll remember to ask that question” or “OK, this is going to be much better than the last call”.

What do you say?

Has your confidence taken a bit of a knock?

Life, and business, has an annoying habit of not always going according to plan.  You know, the sure-fire order that doesn’t materialise, the great offer that no-one buys, or the great-sounding he-guy that turns out to be a mummy’s boy in a tank top......  but that’s a story for another day ;)

When you put a lot of effort into marketing your business only for it not to bring you sales, it can start to feel a bit personal.  That in turn can give your confidence a bit of a knock.  Before long, you start to have a few little doubts, even to the point where you start wondering whether you’re really cut out to be in business.

It’s a rare person who goes through life without their confidence taking a dip occasionally, and most people who give the outward appearance of being confident have been working at it!

The best tools I’ve found for building up confidence are preparation, preparation and preparation!  If you research the background of a situation, take time to prepare your presentation, and rehearse what you’re going to say many times, you will increase your confidence for when you come to deliver the real performance.

Whether you’re talking to one prospective client, or delivering a presentation to the board at a corporation – if you take the time to thoroughly prepare beforehand, you will feel more confident.

An NLP technique that I’ve found to be very effective with my clients is to visualise your presentation going very well, to see yourself getting the order.  Connect with these positive visualisations and your confidence levels will rise!

Honesty is the best policy

Before the Wealth-A-Thon last Saturday, and on several occasions throughout the day, Nicola gave her reason for holding the event.  She wanted to sign up new members to both her Gold and Silver Money Gym Clubs and to raise money to invest in her property portfolio.  I love the honesty!  It’s refreshing when you think of the number of ‘I’m doing this from the goodness of my heart’ messages out there which no-one believes anyway.

The number one issue I hear from students at my ‘Selling Skills’ workshops is that they don’t feel confident about asking for the business (or the money).  I wish they could have heard Nicola on Saturday!  Not only is she completely upfront about wanting to sign up more people, she totally believes in the value of her services.  That shines through in everything she says so she has no problem asking for the business.

Not only does she say how great the Money Gym is, there are some wonderful testimonials from satisfied clients.  Actually, they’re much more than simply satisfied – more like raving fans!  There were a couple of compelling video testimonials in the show, and audio & video case study interviews.  Very powerful stuff!

How well are you using testimonials and case studies in your marketing materials?  I’m just off to look at mine now!